Bob is divorced and lives by himself. He's also a loner. After a stressful day at work, he does what he usually does. He heads home, zaps a frozen dinner and kicks back in his recliner to watch TV.
Like Bob, Kiesha is divorced and lives alone. But when she has had a bad day at work, she doesn't go home to an empty house. Instead, she asks a friend to meet her at a neighborhood bistro. They have a glass of wine, talk about their lives and share a few laughs.
Both Bob and Kiesha found ways to relax after a trying day, but Bob's way of dealing with stress is riskier than Kiesha's. People who get a little help from their friends live longer and healthier lives than those who isolate themselves.
Health and social ties A person who has friends has a better chance of staying healthy than someone who has no support system. Friendship seems to cut the risk of disease by lowering blood pressure, heart rate and cholesterol. A person with strong social bonds who does get sick has a better chance of surviving a serious illness.
Why? It may be that people with solid support systems have stronger immune systems. Stress is known to wreak havoc on the body. Friendship may help defuse the effects of stress. It may also be partly because people with strong support systems tend to take better care of themselves. Friends may encourage each other to change unhealthy habits. They also help each other during illnesses and other difficult times.
Friendship confers both physical and mental health benefits. People with strong friendships tend to suffer less from depression, anxiety and other forms of mental illness. Older adults are less likely to develop dementia when they have satisfying relationships.
Recent research seems to show that friendship may help us live longer. In fact, friendship seems to offer greater health benefits than having a spouse or family.
One study of older adults in Australia found that those who had lots of friends were 22 percent less likely to die during the 10 years of the study than people who had just a few friends. A large study of nurses with breast cancer found that those who didn't have close friends had four times the risk of dying from the disease as women who had a large circle of friends. Strong evidence of the power of emotional attachment is a condition known as "non-organic failure to thrive." It occurs in babies who are emotionally neglected - their physical needs may be taken care of, but they are not held, cuddled or spoken to. These babies don't grow properly, and they become listless, depressed and prone to illness. Many of them die before they are toddlers. The ones who survive develop long-term learning and behavior problems.
"Tend and befriend" In times of severe stress, men typically have a "fight or flight" reaction. The body revs up, preparing either to do battle or to flee quickly. Women are more likely to seek emotional support in the face of danger. Researchers coined the term "tend and befriend" to describe this reaction.
This urge to create, maintain and rely on relationships during times of stress may explain why women outlive men. Since friendship seems to reduce disease risk and increase longevity, a conscious effort to "tend and befriend" might be the key to a longer, healthier life.
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